Of God-Fearing Witches & Pagans

Posted byClaudiaUlm-TheWhisperingWitchTHLeave a commenton Of God-Fearing Witches And PagansEditOf God-Fearing Witches And Pagans

Not your typical blog about Witchcraft

  • What The Hell Is A Witch And What Is a Pagan?
  • What Is The difference anyway?
  • Are Witches Pagans And Pagans Witches?
  • And If You Are A Witch, Are You Good Or Evil?
  • How Do I know You Will Not Turn Me Into A Toad If You Feel Like It?

            Questions Over Questions

Since Harry Potter came out, a new generation and big boom of newly self-discovered witches followed.

There are The Shamans, The Druids, The Wicca Witches, The Bling-Bling and Glam Witches, The Eclectic Witches, The Free-Flying Witches without a Coven, The Solitary Witches, The Grey Witches, The White and Black Witches, The Hekatean Witches, The Hoodoo and Voodoo Witches, The Hermetic Order Of The Golden Dawn –

Witches everywhere you look.

Wow, so much Magick everywhere, yet our world is still in Chaos. Hmmm…

The problem is, that many have not understood, that being a witch means more than doing some Hula Hula at their Magick table, that they found directions for in the internet.

Yeah, they really went all out, spent a fortune on magical supply, because that is a must.

 (I admit, I did too in the beginning before discovering that self-made items are much better, because they have your Energy in them)

After all we need an altar to impress. But ask them about how witchcraft came about, most newly self-discovered witches will not be able to answer.

Well??? Is Witchcraft a recognized religion?


The Origin Of Witches

Early witches were people who practiced witchcraft, using magic spells and calling upon spirits for help or to bring about change. Most witches were thought to be pagans doing the Devil’s work. Many, however, were simply natural healers or so-called “wise women” whose choice of profession was misunderstood.

It’s unclear exactly when witches came on the historical scene, but one of the earliest records of a witch is in the Bible in the book of 1 Samuel, thought be written between 931 B.C. and 721 B.C. It tells the story of when King Saul sought the Witch of Endor to summon the dead prophet Samuel’s spirit to help him defeat the Philistine army.

The witch roused Samuel, who then prophesied the death of Saul and his sons. The next day, according to the Bible, Saul’s sons died in battle, and Saul committed suicide.

Other Old Testament verses condemn witches, such as the oft-cited Exodus 22:18, which says, “thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.” Additional Biblical passages caution against divination, chanting or using witches to contact the dead.

‘Malleus Maleficarum’

Witch hysteria really took hold in Europe during the mid-1400s, when many accused witches confessed, often under torture, to a variety of wicked behaviors. Within a century, witch hunts were common and most of the accused were executed by burning at the stake or hanging. Single women, widows and other women on the margins of society were especially targeted.

Between the years 1500 and 1660, up to 80,000 suspected witches were put to death in Europe. Around 80 percent of them were women thought to be in cahoots with the Devil and filled with lust. Germany had the highest witchcraft execution rate, while Ireland had the lowest.

The publication of “Malleus Maleficarum”—written by two well-respected German Dominicans in 1486—likely spurred witch mania to go viral. The book, usually translated as “The Hammer of Witches,” was essentially a guide on how to identify, hunt and interrogate witches.

Malleus Maleficarum” labeled witchcraft as heresy, and quickly became the authority for Protestants and Catholics trying to flush out witches living among them. For more than 100 years, the book sold more copies of any other book in Europe except the Bible.

Salem Witch Trials

As witch hysteria decreased in Europe, it grew in the New World, which was reeling from wars between the French and British, a smallpox epidemic and the ongoing fear of attacks from neighboring native American tribes. The tense atmosphere was ripe for finding scapegoats. Probably the best-known witch trials took place in Salem, Massachusetts in 1692.

The Salem witch trials began when 9-year-old Elizabeth Parris and 11-year-old Abigail Williams began suffering from fits, body contortions and uncontrolled screaming (today, it is believed that they were poisoned by a fungus that caused spasms and delusions). As more young women began to exhibit symptoms, mass hysteria ensued, and three women were accused of witchcraft: Sarah Good, Sarah Osborn and Tituba, an enslaved woman owned by Parris’s father. Tituba confessed to being a witch and began accusing others of using black magic. On June 10, Bridget Bishop became the first accused witch to be put to death during the Salem Witch Trials when she was hanged at the Salem gallows. Ultimately, around 150 people were accused and 18 were put to death. Women weren’t the only victims of the Salem Witch Trials; six men were also convicted and executed.

Massachusetts wasn’t the first of the 13 colonies to obsess about witches, though. In Windsor, Connecticut in 1647, Alse Young was the first person in America executed for witchcraft. Before Connecticut’s final witch trial took place in 1697, forty-six people were accused of witchcraft in that state and 11 were put to death for the crime.

In Virginia, people were less frantic about witches. In fact, in Lower Norfolk County in 1655, a law was passed making it a crime to falsely accuse someone of witchcraft. Still, witchcraft was a concern. About two-dozen witch trials (mostly of women) took place in Virginia between 1626 and 1730. None of the accused were executed.

Are Witches Real?

One of the most famous witches in Virginia’s history is Grace Sherwood, whose neighbors alleged she killed their pigs and hexed their cotton. Other accusations followed and Sherwood was brought to trial in 1706.

The court decided to use a controversial water test to determine her guilt or innocence. Sherwood’s arms and legs were bound and she was thrown into a body of water. It was thought if she sank, she was innocent; if she floated, she was guilty. Sherwood didn’t sink and was convicted of being a witch. She wasn’t killed but put in prison and for eight years.

A satirical article (supposedly written by Benjamin Franklin) about a witch trial in New Jersey was published in 1730 in the Pennsylvania Gazette. It brought to light the ridiculousness of some witchcraft accusations. It wasn’t long before witch mania died down in the New World and laws were passed to help protect people from being wrongly accused and convicted.

Book of Shadows

Modern-day witches of the Western World still struggle to shake their historical stereotype. Most practice Wicca, an official religion in the United States and Canada.

Wiccans avoid evil and the appearance of evil at all costs. Their motto is to “harm none,” and they strive to live a peaceful, tolerant and balanced life in tune with nature and humanity.

Many modern-day witches still perform witchcraft, but there’s seldom anything sinister about it. Their spells and incantations are often derived from their Book of Shadows, a 20th-century collection of wisdom and witchcraft, and can be compared to the act of prayer in other religions. A modern-day witchcraft potion is more likely to be an herbal remedy for the flu instead of a hex to harm someone.

Today’s witchcraft spells are usually used to stop someone from doing evil or harming themselves. Ironically, while it’s probable some historical witches used witchcraft for evil purposes, many may have embraced it for healing or protection against the immorality they were accused of.

But witches—whether actual or accused—still face persecution and death. Several men and women suspected of using witchcraft have been beaten and killed in Papua New Guinea since 2010, including a young mother who was burned alive. Similar episodes of violence against people accused of being witches have occurred in Africa, South America, the Middle East and in immigrant communities in Europe and the United States.


About Wicca. The Celtic Connection.
Case Study: The European Witch Hunts, c. 1450-1750 and Witch Hunts Today. Gendercide Watch.
The Salem Witch TrialsOxford Research Encyclopedias.
Witchcraft: Creation of the “evil other.” Susan Moulton, Sonoma State University.
Witchcraft in Colonial Virginia. Encyclopedia of Virginia.
Witchcraft: The Beginnings. University of Chicago.
Witches and Witchcraft: The First Person Executed in the Colonies. State of Connecticut Judicial Branch Law Library Services.
Demonology: The Malleus Maleficarum—Proliferating Witch Hysteria. Mount Holyoke College.
The Persecution of Witches, 21st-Century Style. The New York Times.
Women and Witches: Patterns of Analysis. The University of Chicago Press.

Citation Information

Article Title: History of Witches                    
Author: History.com Editors
Website Name: HISTORY                                                    URL: https://www.history.com/topics/folklore/history-of-witches
Access DateAugust 16, 2020
PublisherA&E Television Networks
Last UpdatedFebruary 21, 2020

Original Published DateSeptember 12, 2017By: HISTORY.COM EDITORS.

This is just to shed a little light on the History of Witches for you.

Now Back To Us God-Fearing Witches & Pagans

There are many of us around the globe – a whole network to be correct. Everyone thinks, that has no clue of witchcraft, that we are these EVIL, SATAN-Worshipping beings, that ride around the full moon night sky on our brooms (besoms), accompanied by Dracula himself and his best friends in form of bats.

I was a school teacher working at a Thai school with an American supervisor when I came out of the broom-closet, but ended up getting fired for it.

I asked her if she thinks I am going to come flying in on my besom now, and she really got upset.

The best part was, since she always tried to play games to get me fired because of paranoia of me trying to take her job (which I wouldn’t have wanted in a million years), she was seriously scared to death of me.

Hmmm…maybe I should’ve turned her into that director’s butt-crawling worm that she was or a toad…lol.

Most witches I know, have religiously done their homework, still believe in the Trinity of Almighty Father, Son Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost, but also in the Trinity of Mother, Maiden ,Crone and the Horned God.

They do their daily Praising and Thank You Rituals, (and I do too, but not daily)       while I am still diving my way through all the books I have in PDF format. Before you know which path is right for you, you should do all the reading and research you can and then decide, or take from everything you learn and pick out what works for you.

I hear newly self-discovered witches talk about curses, they will put on the guy next door, love rituals to make that desired man fall in love, and – and- and.

THAT is NOT what being a witch is about.

Of Lightworkers And Shadow And Death-Walkers

I belong to many different forums in different spiritual directions and read a lot about   ”I am a Light-worker (which in plain English means, I play with fairies and angels and the world is nothing but a sugar cotton field), because they got it wrong.

A Light-worker is always cheery, bubbly and the typical Mary Poppins Character, while those who have studied serious witchcraft for quite some time, have come across, that indeed they are Shadow and Death-walkers.

Now why would that be? Are they EVIL or WORSHIP SATAN?

The answer is no. You will find all of us among Teachers, Social and Streetworkers, Animal Rescuers and any of us dwelling in the dark corners looking for souls to rescue. It is our duty and calling to help those, who got lost in the shadows to help them find their way back into the light.

Depression, Suicidal thoughts proning people with very heavy and deep emotional problems etc., are the target for the Shadow and Death-walkers.

That means, we are constantly surrounded by negativity and have to fight ourselves at times to stay positive to do what we are destined to do.

Some of us occasionally get lost in depression ourselves, being surrounded by it constantly. It sure as hell happened to me and luckily I recognized the symptoms and started to immediately raise my vibrations.

There is a lot of beauty in this world, even in the times of COVID 19, but now there is also even more misery that needs a helping hand.

It makes me happy to see, that I have many, many sisters and brothers, who think and feel like I do – some with a lot of knowledge, some just starting out following their calling.


Do Spells Work?

The answer is, yes, they do work, if done correctly. If witchcraft was about doing a little Hula at your altar to win that Million Dollar jackpot in the lottery, you got it wrong. If that would work, we all would be filthy stinking rich. That is NOT what witchcraft is about.

We have to work harder at things it seems because we have to earn them. While the Christians pray to God to solve their problems (and I have mentioned this before), we pray and ask for the strength and wisdom we need to solve our own problems.

We are also constantly tested for our beliefs and personal convictions and have to defend ourselves constantly to those called GOD-FEARING Christians. While some of the Christians have come to term with that we are not coming to church, but perform our on mass at our own altars and really are not doing anything different there than the priest does in church, it satisfies me immensely to see, that they are starting to look at us in a more acceptable way and different light, because they have realized that we are NOT EVIL.

Hell, I do not even believe in the Devil, but I do believe in dark spirits, as I have had my share of experiences with them.

But all negatives can be turned around into positives, if you find that lesson to learn in your experience, turn it around and use it for something helpful like preventing the same to someone else happening. You CAN, because you went already through this and know what to do. Now THERE is one of your callings.

Is there Black and White Magic?

The answer is no, there isn’t. There is only Magick, and it is the intend that you use a spell for, that makes it good or bad.

Before getting into serious spell-work, make sure, you know all about CASTING A CIRCLE, CENTERING AND GROUNDING and your CHAKRAS, as well as your THIRD EYE. MEDITATION before any Ritual also can be very helpful.

These are all factors that are very important to your magical work. Be the best witch you can be, but also always remember, if you cannot take the heat, do not get near the fire. That means, if you have any ill-intended spell or negative Magick you are performing, make sure that you are prepared to take what is coming at you like a boomerang, because we, as witches always pay a price for what we do.

If your spells are meant for negative, be prepared for what might hit you back like a ton of bricks, and that is sometimes 10-fold.

The same goes for the positive. The rewards for doing that kind of work are awesome and beautiful and you will always prosper in your work.

Remember the saying:


And your rewards will be great if you sow the right thing !!!!!

Have a witchy and magickal day, Dear Sisters and Brothers and if you liked this blog, please leave a comment.



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Published by ClaudiaUlm-TheWhisperingWitchTH 

I am a singer/songwriter, teacher, musician and author who enjoys life and all of its mishaps. Some topics are so funny and worth sharing, but I write about serious stuff also, as well as spiritual beliefs, since I follow the path of Wicca myself. Have a great time reading and let me brighten your day a little. Brightest Blessings to you – Namaste + )0( + View more posts

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The Becoming Of A Witch

Of Witches, Glam and Bling Bling Magick

So you have decided to become a witch! You bought some black Gothic clothing, the jewelry to go along with it, and are proudly sporting your new pentagram around your neck. You are now ready to announce to the world, that you are ready to play Harry Potter!

Let’s take this back a step: You are a good girl/boy from a great background and have been raised Christian or straight Catholic. You have looked at the f..cked up world of yours that you live in and decided it is not for you!!!

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Now let me get this straight: You have seen all of the Harry Potter Movies and are an excited and enthused fan of Charmed, you even watched Samantha do her cute nose wrinkle and think you can turn people into toads now by the snap of your finger, just as soon you read that little spell book you bought!

Oh, you feel fantastic and strong and that idiot down the lane, that has been a nuisance to you most of your miserable teenage hood, will be surprised when you turn your wand on him to make him bark like a dog.

Well, sweets, let me tell you something:

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Being a witch is not that simple as you may think. It takes more than wiping that baby snot off your nose as you are becoming a young adult and it takes way more than just a mood of the day because you think being a witch is cool and will get you all kind of stuff you cannot afford otherwise. You do not just look the part, buy a couple of books and think you own the world! Wicca, Haketean, The Hermetic Order of The Golden Dawn, and all other occult beliefs take their crafts very serious and it takes years to be the witch that you need to be.

Maybe you got this whole witchy thing wrong, Being a witch is not a religion but a lifestyle. It takes saying goodbye to worldly treasures and pleasures, and you being one with nature. It takes learning, teaching, protecting the vulnerable, being a voice for the voiceless, and using your craft for healing and nurturing. It also takes self-discipline, a clean lifestyle, and faith – a hell a lot of faith.

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They say there is a difference between miracles and magick.

The way I see it, there is only one difference. While the good people, that run to church every Sunday and praise the Lord in the highest notes, beg God to solve a problem for them, witches simply ask the Divine (God himself) to give them the strength and support to solve their own problem.

Let’s face it, the bible is a great book of guidance, stories, and resources and as many times, as it has been rewritten by “MAN”, I have learned to read between the lines and take it all with a grain of salt. Now Jesus, a man who was married and had children. (https://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/2014/1110/1-400-year-old-manuscript-points-to-Jesus-wife-and-kids-authors-say#:~:text=Jesus%20Christ%20was%20married%20to,children%2C%20a%20new%20book%20says.), with that kind of love and incredible faith in his father, the God Almighty, is bound to be able to perform miracles. He walked on water, made the blind see, fed five thousand on only two fish, brought the dead back to life, and healed leprosy among so many other things. The Feeding of the 5,000 is also known as the “miracle of the five loaves and two fishes”; the Gospel of John reports that Jesus used five loaves and two fishes supplied by a boy to feed a multitude.

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You mean to tell me, that witches are considered Evil because we do the same things y’all do in church? The priest swings his myrrh in a huge incense burner while praying in Latin, that people who have never visited any school of higher Education will never understand and have to go by blind faith, that that prayer is legit. I burn incense at my altar. The priest holds a sermon to brainwash people into his opinion, I silently meditate in gratefulness for everything I am allowed to do, learn, and be. The organized church, where people go to worship God, sings, hymns that are in the book and taught. I do too – self written and by myself at my altar and at home, (I was taught, that God’s house is wherever you make it and wherever you worship and pray), praising God and the trinity in the highest of respectful ways.

If you have done your research, you surely came across The Greater and Lesser Key of King Solomon and one of the first sentences in The Greater Key states, that God has many names and God comes in many different shapes and forms. So who is to say that being a witch is wrong when in reality it all boils back down to all beliefs being the same and all religions believing in that one greater Being – GOD.

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I was raised strictly Catholic and got my behind whooped the good old fashioned way many times for my different beliefs even as a child. Being half gypsy comes with certain talents and gifts that I was to understand a lot later in my life.

I have read and read and studied, done my courses, watched every possible educational and research video on “The Arts” and learned all about “Harm Ye None And Do As Ye Will.”

I even learned to respect creatures, that the good Christian will kill in a hot second without thinking about it twice. I have learned, that every living being has its place on Earth and in the Universe. Cockroaches – Oh- My- God.

This may sound weird, but the family sense of a cockroach is greater than that of some humans. A cockroach will pick up her babies and carry them while they are small – all 400+ that she laid eggs of. A male cockroach will take over when the mom needs some rest. Hmm, I know families who do not care about their offspring as much as a damn roach does. Living in Thailand, I have the giant ones here and we respect each other – believe it or not. When you have learned your ties to Nature and the universe, you will understand things you never thought of before in your life. Ah – nature.

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Hubert Reeves

“Man is the most insane species. He worships an invisible God and destroys a visible Nature. Unaware that this Nature he’s destroying is this God he’s worshiping.”

Sounds crazy? No it is not. When I sit in Nature, I listen for the messages, the birds seem to bring, the trees seem to whisper in the wind and the vibes I get. I center and ground and become one with Gaia, our Mother Earth. And then there is that inner calm voice that starts to speak, my inner Divine given to me by the highest Divine, Our Almighty God and father.I have yelled at him in the past, I have told him I hated him, when things did not go my way,I have ignored him and his voice, but came to the conclusion, that he never left me. He let me behave in a bad way, be stubborn, be mad at him and took me through many bad and good lessons – but one thing he never did, no matter how I acted – he never ever left me, even when I left him !!!

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So you, as a Christian want to crucify me for being a witch? Let me tell you something. What have you done today, other than feeling sorry for yourself and be miserable? You look at a glass half empty and are afraid of loss, I look at a glass half full and am happy with what I have. Have you rescued anyone or anything today? I do it daily and do not have to think about it twice. Whether it is the old beggar who is drunk most of the time because he just wants to die. Have you looked into his eyes or taken the time to talk to him? No??? Why not – I thought you were a God-fearing Christian. He had some bad cards dealt with him and is begging for a hand. He smells bad and is dirty, will you help him? No?? Why not??? I do not have to think about it twice, because I will pick him up, clean him up, and help him back on his feet if that is what he wants.

You want to judge us witches? We carry the torches into the dark to find those who need help finding their way back into the light, while you run to your church, praise the Lord and have nothing better to do after church but to gossip, and eyeball that cute chick or dude, that seems to be new to the congregation.

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We are witches – shadow and death walkers, destined to clean up the mess, the so-called God Fearing world creates. Do I love my trinity? You bet I do. Am I God-fearing? You bet I am. I tell you what I am not.

I am not one of those church running, two-faced individuals who pretend to love thy neighbor, but talks shit about them. I am not a person who closes her eyes to the misery of others, I will help them solve their problems. I am not selfish, nor a two-faced woman who changes her opinion with the wind and as the world turns.

This is what I am: I am a teacher and yes, I teach the poor for free, I am an animal rescuer, who will make sure her animals eat before I do, I am also proud to have the talents I have and will put them to use for the less fortunate, I am God-Fearing and loving and will extend my hand to the ones down. Don’t you ever let me catch you putting a hand on those down unless you plan on helping them up?

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I am not interested in worldly pleasures and said goodbye to luxury long time ago to do what I am destined to do: Be the best witch that I can be, a lightworker who works in the dark, a teacher, a guide, a helping hand to all who need it, a voice for the voiceless and a protector, as well as a warrior.

This is my destiny and I thank God for the rocky road that I had to walk throughout my life because I would not be who I am today.

So you think you are ready for all this?

If you want to be a glamour bling witch, you are just a blender and pretender, but if you are serious about being a witch, this is your path and demeanor. The decision is yours. Do you just want to be cool or take it to the realm? You have a lot to think about, but whatever your decision may be, all witches will appreciate your sincerity and embrace you whether you want to join a coven or be free-flying, solitary, and eclectic. YOU have to decide which way to go. It won’t be easy, but the rewards are great, only if you are for real and sincere. Turning Tommy next door into a toad or frog is unrealistic, even though it is a nice thought.

Blessed Be, my sisters and Brothers and May the Divine, our God the Almighty show you the path you need to take.

And How was Your day?

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Flowers from George

Flowers from George

I hated cockroaches. I have always hated them.

When I was young and before I rented my very first own apartment, I had never ever seen one prior to then.

The apartment was in a run down building that was barely occupied and some apartments were so broken down, that the doors were missing and water was leaking out of pipes, that had been fixated to not flood the building and were leading the water elsewhere.

 It was eerie, really, really eerie – BUT – it was a place to call home after a 19 hours flight and a new start in life, when I was still a wild child and rather disorderly, a rebel of society sort of speaking.

I saw no reason to waste money on a hotel or motel, not even a hostel, especially since I did not have much of it anyway.

Money, always money- whoever invented that needs to be shot.

When I entered the outskirts of Tacoma, Washington, I asked the taxi driver, who was an older and a bit scary looking guy with a scruffy face, if he knew of apartment buildings, that would rent quickly and without checking on credit, since I had none and just relocated to the USA.

He answered: “Child, this is the US of A and there are plenty of buildings, but the budget you named is not enough for a very good area, only for the lesser pretty part of town.”

Naive, young and dumb as I was, I said: “OK, so take me there please.”

The streets became darker and less friendly. We drove through an industrial area that looked like a ghost town out of a really scary horror movie and I felt my heart drop a little towards my knees.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre from 1974 came to mind, as did The Fog.

 I caught myself looking around and expecting something to jump out from somewhere.

What if the Cabby was really a monster or zombie and just disguised himself? All possibilities of being murdered entered my mind and now I was really scared, especially since he was being so quiet and had a determined and grim look on his already a little scary looking face.

I found myself clearing my throat and asking in a very quiet, shy and shaky little girl’s voice:

 “Are we there yet?” He did not answer.

 Maybe he did not hear me, so I asked again, just a little louder: “Are we there yet?”

He put on the breaks very harshly, turned around with a very angry look on his face and said:

“Does it look like we are there yet?”

He realized that he pushed it a bit hard when I saw the surprised look on his face, as tears were running down mine.

 I did not expect this at all and was tired, hungry, a bit afraid, because I was all alone on a different continent, where I only spent a few years in my very early childhood and did not have much memory of it at that. But it was home and I wanted to be there.

Growing up in Europe was not easy and I never felt, I belonged there, especially since I looked different from the rest of my family and was treated accordingly also, and not always in a good way. While my family had blond,light brown hair and greyish, blue and green eyes with a very light skin, I contrasted them with very dark eyes, black hair and easy to tan skin, that made me look so different from them.

 I never questioned it, at times I even thought I was adopted, and while growing up with my grandparents, I enjoyed the best Education that money could buy, including the schools that teach you how to eat, walk, talk and how to act around other people.

God, how I hated having that big ass bible on top of my head to learn how to balance while walking or while sitting at the table trying to eat, with two more books, one under each arm.

Am I a princess or why did they put me through this?

As it turned out much later, I was no princess, but they tried to change my heritage without realizing that they could not change the spots on a leopard.

I have to give it to them, they really, really tried – hard!

I found out many years later, that I am half gypsy and THAT was unacceptable to the rest of the family and their environment. That was the reason, they were constantly yelling at my mother and making her cry.

So that is why my father was never allowed at our house. I was too small to understand, but I did understand the sense of evilness and unacceptance floating around.

I watched my mom slowly deteriorate over the years after she was forced to divorce him and she never was the same again.

 I was too young to really understand back then what was going on, so I did not question things, but I did catch the ugliness of that situation.

I decided at that point and right then and there to leave as soon as I was old enough and I did – quietly, not telling anyone, because I would have never made it out of there, since my grandma, the reigning house dragon, as she was lovingly called, was lining up the young studs to marry me and get me out of her house and away from her having to be responsible for me.

I was just a teenager, for Christ sake. This was MY life and MY choice, and I needed to do whatever it took to get away.

I played organ for money in churches during masses, I played waitress at several cafe’s and did whatever I could do for work to remove my unwanted self from the situation I was living in.

And finally the day had come: I had enough for a one way ticket to Tacoma, wherever the hell that was, and booked it. I just had one thought on my mind: Away from a family that really did not want me there, but simply tolerated me and flying into freedom.

Why did they not just leave me with my parents and insisted instead that I grow up with them?

 I got all those answers much later in my life, but that is another story.

So, anyway, I heard Nick, the Cabby say: “I am so sorry, I did not want to frighten you, but I hate this area. Too much trouble, too much crime, but it is a shortcut to save you money, because the regular way would have been 10 miles or more. We will be at the other side of town in a few minutes.

As it turned out upon arrival and the initial introduction, his friend managed this run down building and as we drove up to it, I thought:

 “OH – MY – GOD!”

I heard of graffiti, but never saw it in real life and here it was in all of its glory. Actually it was not bad looking in my opinion, I convinced myself.

After all, this was going to be home for a short while.

Marcus, Nick’s friend was an older, toothless guy, but very nice and he apologized right away for the condition of the building.

 The owner, he told me, cared less about it and now he was left renting to low income people, but that everyone in the building was one big happy family.

Cool, so I can breathe normal again.

My new stable was on the fourth floor and looked clean on the first look and even though, the pipes were outside of the walls, which I never saw before, it looked, – well -, almost cozy.

Marcus asked me if I needed some furniture to get started and I told him I cannot afford them yet. He answered: “No problem, I have a storage full of them, they are almost new and you are welcome to them.”

This turned out to be a great new start, I thought.

 I opened the cabinets and all was clean. I found the broom closet and saw a stack of newspapers, that were left behind in the top area and pulled it down – along with hundreds of cockroaches of all sizes, that covered me and were all over my body.

I screamed in horror and both Nick and Marcus hurried up and tried to get them off me.

Once I recovered from that shock, Marcus immediately called the exterminator to take care of the problem. More to this later.

To get back on track to the here and now, and leaving all the gory details in between out for the moment, I ended up relocating to Thailand seven years ago still hating cockroaches with a passion.

That was until I saw the movie “Joe’s Apartment” a couple of years back.

Hmm, kind of cool, I thought. I stumbled across that movie by accident and after watching it, I saw cockroaches in a whole new light.

So very recently and just a few days ago, as I was preparing dinner for my husband, I felt as if someone was watching me.

I looked up and saw the biggest and seriously majestic looking cockroach ever in my life on the upper part of my kitchen wall.

Thailand does not just have roaches, they have the supersize cockroach, that spent years in the gym to built muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger and that will walk away with your entire plate if given the chance.

The feelers of that thing on my wall were curiously swaying and I did not dare move, remembering my little adventure from Tacoma years ago with horror – still.

He just sat there and I just stood there staring at him. He did not move, but I felt a sense of calmness coming from him.

So I continued to prepare dinner, after realizing, that he posed no threat. He watched me the whole time and when I served dinner and returned the dishes to the kitchen sink, he was gone.

This repeated itself every evening for weeks and it may sound crazy, but we had a silent understanding, that I won’t kill him and he won’t come near me.

Since we live in this rural environment with all kind of animals, critters and crawlers, which include scorpions, snakes, as well as very beasty army and fire ants, all the other garden roaches knew my broom, because I made it a point to be in control of my area and when they saw me coming with that thing, they would turn around and angrily stomp away, so it seemed.

They did not really want to continue to make the acquaintance with that broom, and preferably stayed in their area, while I stayed in mine.

You may think this bitch here is crazy, so maybe I am, but I have learned long time ago to live with nature and not against it, which is why these creatures are allowed to live in my yard.

After all, it is US invading THEIR space and not THEM invading OURS!!!

THEY were here first.

I named my kitchen friend George and thought to myself: So this is how far you have gotten. You are having discussions with cockroaches. I caught myself talking to him and believe it or not, he was answering in his own way, but still careful and from a safe distance.  

Since I studied animal communication,I at first struggled with it, but then I started to understand George.

Having lived a life full of hatred and despise towards him so far, because of who he was, he  learned to be careful.

The thoughts kept crossing my mind, that all creatures have a purpose in life, even the most disgusting and ugliest and George let me feel, that his purpose in life was to eat the dead carcasses of lizards maybe laying around somewhere, the garbage and nasty, dead stuff, that makes us sick, when left laying around for too long and that could seriously kill or make my rescued eleven dogs and nine cats very ill.

He was not trying to invade my space. He did what he was destined to do and accepted the fact that he had to share his space with humans, that had invaded his.

All of the sudden I understood.

George visited every evening, sat in the same spot with his feelers curiously swaying, and I actually was looking forward to his presence.

There always was a sense of calmness entering when he was around. Strange, very, very strange.

Then, one evening, I noticed he was not there and I was wondering, why not.

After all he should know, that I was not going to harm him.

 I caught myself seriously looking for him, how weird.

A few days later I found him laying on his back in a corner behind a decorative cup. I knew right away it was him because of his color and size. He looked and acted different from the other ones outside.…

The strange thing was, he had a very small flower next to him and his two front legs embraced it, as if he wanted to bring it to me.

Unbelievable, I felt tears coming up and choking me and the sense of having lost a very good friend.

Weird? No, it took a cockroach to finally having understood the purpose of all living beings and respecting them, no matter what or who they are.

And how was your day?

Sissy – From Tramp To Lady


Sissy – From Tramp To Lady

Once upon a time, there was a gorgeous four-legged, black fur nose without a name in the same shelter, we were still working at.
They called her “Dam”, which is Thai for Black.

I had been so busy with trying to figure out how to get Loki out of there and thinking about how to convince my hubby, who was dead set on NOT adopting any more animals, that I did not realize, he had long set his eyes on another pup.

I was in Loki’s run when my hubby came to me and asked me to follow him since he wanted to show me something in area B, which was the back part of the shelter and mainly the rescued fur noses from the illegal dog meat trade were kept there.

I was in that area every day and could not imagine, what he wanted to show me, that I did not already know.

There were so many runs, and some of the personalities of the dogs did not match with each other. It was my job back there to observe and start pairing the dogs with more suitable friends.

My hubby lead me to a run, that was aside from the others and more hidden, but that was because of the way Area B was built, not to hide dogs.

And there she was – kept in check and pushed in the corner by the others, who were all very friendly dogs, but somehow did not like “Dam”.

We entered the run and very carefully sat on the bamboo table for a while and let the pack smell us and determine for themselves, that we were friends and meant no harm.

“Dam” was in an open cage way to small for her and started to sneak out, as the other dogs were busy with us. I felt a wet nose from behind on my arm and realized, it was “Dam” trying to see who we were.

When the other dogs realized she was near, they snarled and growled at her and chased her back into that small cage, where she just cowered and shook vividly with fear.

It is no wonder, I never noticed her before, if she was being intimidated like this and always hiding.

My hubby told me, he had spotted her a few days ago, as she was being chased by the others and did exactly the same thing.

As he was walking by, her eyes caught the eyes of my hubby and seemed to beg to get her out of there! He stopped dead in his tracks and she came to the front gate and looked deep into his eyes with a look that could have melted melt the heart of stone.
Needless to say, he fell in love instantly!

We started to spend time in that run every day after we finished our work and she very shyly observed us from her hiding place, but with curiosity in her eyes. Finally, we talked to the director of the shelter and asked if we could take her home.

With over 600 dogs around it is hard to know each one of them and we had to show her whom we meant, as some of them are really hard cases, especially coming from the dog meat trade.
She agreed and “Dam” was taken out of the run and taken to the clinic area, where she was bathed and put in a large cage to dry off and settle down, as well as to be observed for any sign of illnesses for a few days.

At that time, I did not want to ask about Loki and my tears started to fill my eyes, as I now saw zero chance for Loki to join our family.

The day had come, where we could take “Dam” home and we decided to change her name to Sissy, which she seemed to accept right away, because the first time we called her new name, her ears perked right up.

How would our pack react to a newcomer and more importantly, after the experiences Sissy made in the shelter for Lord knows how long, how would she react?

Sissy’s Arrival At Her New Home

Living in the boonies with nothing but jungle, rice fields, and neighbors who looked at the “Farangs”, (which expats are called here in Thailand), like we were from another planet, it is needless to say, that our house was an old warehouse and just fixed up to live in.
Being in animal rescue, there are no luxury items, other than a TV, that, if not too tired, is watched occasionally.
We did have computers and internet there and my husband was able to set up a fraction of our recording studio, which with the work we were doing, was hardly ever used anymore.

I had taken a break from teaching to give my entire time to animal rescue and it was a nonstop job.

The day we brought Sissy home, the neighbors were burning garbage in their garden and our house smelled of burned plastic among other fine poisoned fumes.
Opening the windows was useless, as more of those fumes would have entered.

Something about these smells seemed to frighten Sissy and when turned loose in the house, she instantly looked for a place to hide.

The first acquaintance she made was with Shadow, our old black cat we brought from Germany.
They looked at each other and Shadow hissed and Sissy snapped at her and nipped her in the behind.
That was enough saying hello for Shadow and she ran into another room.

Sissy was not seen for hours and she must have found a really good spot because we could not find her.

As dinner time rolled around, I was cooking for hubby and the clan and the smell of delicious chicken drove Sissy out of her hiding place.
I tried to get close to her, but she was not having any of that yet.

The surprising part was when she saw or heard my husband, she would run and hide instantly again – and that after flirting with him so shamelessly at the shelter.

When I served my hubby his dinner and then all the animals, she realized there was something for her as well. She slowly crawled towards her food in her bowl and shrugged with every noise she heard and looked around scared.

The Rimklong Gang, as we call our four-legged clan, seemed to know that Sissy still needed that time to adjust and did not even look at her.

We observed her without her knowing it and saw, that she would snag a piece of food and run with it. That is when we realized how repressed she must have been for such a long time by all the other dogs living with her in the past.

The days went by and we had given Sissy all the room she needed and wanted to adjust and she still would not come near us.

We had a big fenced yard with two huge water tanks in it and fenced in very high. We even put chain link fence over the top as a roof to ensure none of our gang would get out and nothing would come in, especially since there were a number of cats as well, that we took care of, other than our own and they loved to climb.

If you think, there is no difference between rural and domestic cats, you are dead wrong.
These guys are most creative in developing ways to escape and with all the cobras and scorpions among centipedes and other nice creatures around, that was something we did not want or need, since the next vet or civilized city was 45 minutes drive away, just like the next 711…lol.
Sissy discovered that yard and would not come in anymore for that day.
She was quite comfortable behind the tanks and among the hundreds of spiders that lived there.
Then she heard a Thai man yell at something and like speed lightning, she shot out from behind the water tanks and ran into the house cowering and shaking in the corner.
That was the first time I was able to pick her up and tried to calm her and told her, that everything was alright.
By the way, her body was reacting, I felt that she wanted to believe me, but had severe issues with trusting me.

She seemed not so frightened of women, but she panicked when she heard the Thai language spoken or yelled by men. She definitely had issues with all men. Furthermore, she only needed to see my husband and off she went into hiding.
My husband was a little confused, especially after she had flirted with him so shamelessly and he just said to her: “So you just used me to get out of there, huh?”
She just threw him that look as if she wanted to say: “Yeah and you were stupid enough to help me, and now you can kiss my Heini” … lol.

The days and months went by and Sissy adjusted quite well, even though she kept pacing, and pacing, and pacing without a break on a daily basis.
She never barked and we got to know her quite well, even though she still kept her distance.

When she thought we were not looking, she started to play with the others and rolled on the floor or her favorite red couch, but as soon as she realized she was being watched, she went right back into her old behavior.
We also noticed, that she was well trained in climbing and gracious show movements and started to try to find out her past. Of course, there was not much to find out and we realized since she came from the illegal dog meat trade, that she must have been someone’s pet at some time and was stolen, maybe. We also learned after quite a bit of research, that she survived a fire in a different shelter among 80 other dogs. All of the other animals living there, unfortunately, were killed and after that second horrible ordeal, she finally ended up at the shelter we were working at.

She always seemed to look for something, as she sniffed in the air constantly while on her pacing routine.

My husband still could not get near her and me? She occasionally treated me with her attention, but on her terms. We continued to give her all the space and time she seemed to still need.

Loki’s Arrival

Then the day came where Loki finally joined us. I was so thankful that my husband finally agreed, after seeing the special bond Loki and I had and still have.

THAT was the turning point for Sissy. A friend out of the same place, with similar experiences, was what she needed to open up.
Sissy and Loki became the best of friends and she even started to be silly with all the other animals.

It was love at first sight and a wonderful experience for us to see how an abused dog finally opens up.

Then she found her bark again and what a bark it was. That was not a ladylike bark, but more the roaring of a dog that was in the process of finding itself again.
That bark left no misunderstanding but an “I am a dog – just hear me roar”.

Our time at the shelter had come to an end and it was time to move on, so we packed up all of our belongings, which was not much other than the recording studio and all the animals and moved to a different part of Thailand.

Sissy seemed to sense that it was time to move on and voluntarily went into her big crate together with Loki. Her eyes had a look of anticipation and happiness much to our surprise.
After a very long and endless seeming ride across Thailand with two moving trucks, we finally arrived at our new destination about 18 hours later and all the animals were gems and very patient during that journey.

Of course, we had stopped for plenty of bathroom, food and water breaks and all of them behaved like the perfect children, knowing that this was the beginning of a new chapter.
Once turned loose at the new house with that huge yard, there was so much to discover and all of them ran around like silly children sniffing and exploring their new home.

We kept the cats inside for a few days to give them time to adjust, and they were quite thankful for that. After all, that gave them time to explore the house and think of all kind of silly stuff to do.

Now it came to another turning point for Sissy, and she started to show interest in my husband.
By now two years had gone by, and she started to sniff at him, when he was laying down, even to the point of snuggling next to him, when he was sleeping, maybe realizing he wasn’t so bad after all. She and I had developed a great relationship, and she no longer ducked when one of us moved.

Then the big day came and Sissy finally overcame her fear and came to my husband voluntarily, shyly licking his hand.

It took a few more months for her to fully trust him, but today she rewards him with hundreds of kisses and snuggles and flirts shamelessly with him when she wants something.
She had learned to trust and today she even comes near our friends and shows no more signs of fear.

She vividly defends this property against the mailman and delivery people and is all dog – finally. The tramp became a lady and what a lady she is !!!

And How Was Your Day?